Description
Natural language has the risk that semantics on the sender’s side differs from semantics of the receiver: People simply misunderstand each other because the meaning of words differs between people.
Therefore: what people mean/want/need is sometimes not what they say. This is due either to
- semantic differences on sender and receive sides,
- stressful or inconvenient communication situations (e.g. “the boss is present”, communication under pressure),
- people are distracted or tired,
or other reasons.
NLP (neurolinguistic programming) practitioners recommend to mirror things you hear to your communication partners in your own words. This might facilitate understanding.
When you have the slightest impression or indicator that your communication partner does not or can not communicate their real intention, you should clarify by giving explicit Fast Feedback.
Applicability
Apply this pattern whenever you communicate verbally to other people (aka stakeholders) e.g. in meetings, conferences, phone calls etc.
Especially when verbal communication differs from paralanguage or gestures, you should clarify what your communication partner really meant.
Consequences
- Improved understanding between stakeholders.
- Explicit Assumption, instead of implicit ones.
References
Special thanks to Phillip Ghadir (who is too humble to claim this discovery) for giving this pattern its name.
Notes on related patterns
- Fast Feedback, as you give immediate feedback within ongoing communication.
- In every Stakeholder Interview you should apply this pattern.
- Stakeholder Analysis to find out, who are the important stakeholders you should apply this pattern to.